The centre of my own attention

In my job I help people, it is what I do and I effing love it! I would much rather see one of my kickar*e clients succeed and smash their goals then seeing myself do something rad.

It is what my ‘job’ is all about and I guess that’s why I feel I’m good at what I do, where as other ‘trainers’ see a quick buck rather then caring for their clients, they just want to fill silly fad circuits and bootcamps to boost up their bank account and ego, who prey on the new fitness go-ers that last a month or two until they realise they are getting no where with their training and avoid the fitness world entirely because of this bad experience…. (Sorry rant over, just drives me a little crazy sometimes!)

Anyway I’m getting totally off topic….

Like I was saying peoples achievements get me all fired up like a proud Mum, yet during the last 9 weeks mid comp prep I’ve had to focus on myself a little more with setting goals, tracking my progress and holding myself fully accountable in order to compete in an up coming fitness competition.

I’m acting as if I were one of my clients…. Let me explain this a little better:

I’m hearing myself give the same excuses I hear on a daily basis such as – I’m too tired, to sore, I’ll do it tomorrow, I’m doing everything I can and still not seeing results. (although I hit every training session these thoughts still flood my head)

I’m having the same self doubt as my clients such as – That’s too hard, I CAN’T do that, I’m not going to make it, it is too heavy.

And the same emotions as my clients such as – Crying, over thinking the situation rather then keeping it simple, energy levels peaking and dropping and most importantly frustration and disappointment in myself.

I see this ALL the time, it is normal and apart of the process but for me to actually be IN the process as opposing to helping others through it is completely different.

Turns out I’m great at helping others but terrible at putting myself first and I guess believing in myself. I’m stubborn, strong-minded and never half arse anything, which is why I believe I have been so bloody hard on myself.

I took progression photos on Saturday – instead on noticing the positives in my body – like how much smaller my waist and whole body is, how I’m less boated and how much stronger I am – and then adjusting my training and food as need be I cracked it and cried for about 2 hours because it wasn’t ‘good’ enough.

And I’m not even kidding.

Sunday came and my mentor wanted me to take photos in heels and a bikini –Which was all good until I actually looked at the photos and then I cried again.

The exact thoughts in my head were ‘I’ve been training hard daily for the past 8 weeks and eating practically nothing and this is how I look? It isn’t good enough, I can’t do it.’

This is strange for me – I’m never sad, emotional and I usually love my body.

I didn’t like these new habits I was forming when it came to my body – where was the positives and where was the love?

I had to sit back re-focus my self and re-assess – I felt like I was loosing control and slightly loosing my mind!!

And instead of throwing in the towel, as most people will when it all gets too hard I decided to plan my attack – coz I’ll be f*cked to let all my hard work go down the drain now.

I wrote down what I was currently doing – both food and training wise, then researched, read blogs, asked around for all the advice I could.

Turns out (which I already kind of knew) I wasn’t eating enough. My muscles were depleting with my diet program, my blood sugar levels were all over the shop (hence my emotional roller coaster) and by taking the progression pics I was able to see where I need to build more muscle and drop a little fat.

By re-assessing my situation I was able to make smart judgment on what my body needs, what was working for it and what wasn’t. I’ve now changed my diet and training regime completely – which will be in the next blog – and I’m already feeling and looking great!!!

So lesson you can apply from this??

You have a goal – it gets hard – you quit – repeat.


You have a goal – map out how to achieve it – it gets hard – step back and re-access – achieve it.


Stay Strong & Stretch,

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