Someone messaged me the other day and said “How do you stay so positive and happy all the time”
At first sure it’s a complement, then I felt sad that I portray a life of constant happiness, my life isn’t perfect – its pretty f*cking great but negative sh*t gets thrown my way (more common then not at the moment) that leaves me in a dark, depressive place.
My role as a coach is to encourage, lead and inspire people but it is never to be fake with people – I’ll never pretend that I’m a cardio loving, kale eating, always happy AF person because I’m simply not!
I get grumpy, I get sad, I get depressed – I feel all emotions everyone else feels – the only difference is I’m in tune with what I’m feeling and accept it, know it is only for brief period of time and try to learn something from it – the good old quote “it’s a bad day, not a bad life” hits it perfectly.
It’s been a strange few years, although each year I’m growing and learning more and more about myself, who I truly am and what I was destined for, I’m also hitting hard resistance and set backs that try and pull me into dark places.
I think everyone faces these resistances, these depressive states, tho we may not talk about them as openly as I talk about mine, this is why I write, as someone who is/was a chronic “bottler” who hates talking about emotions and feelings – writing them gives me a sense of freedom, to lead people to know dark places exist for everyone and it is okay to feel and explore them but know you are never isolated and stuck in them, that the light at the end is always within reach.
So what do I do when resistance and dark thoughts hit?
1) Allow the darkness to wave over you but do not allow it to overwhelm you. Realise that every single person experiences the darkness, to feel emotions (although not portrayed on social media) such as sadness; depression and isolation are extremely normal. They are emotions, just like being happy – it is completely okay to feel them, to be down. What you do need to realise tho is these states don’t have to last forever – sure take your time to process the situation that has happened but then ensure you learn a positive from it. There is ALWAYS a positive to a negative – that is something I’m a firm believer of. If you don’t take the time to process situations properly and continue to push them down like nothing has happened they will only keep coming back up – so it’s best to take the time to get in tune with your body.
2) Write down 3 things you’re grateful for – your list of negatives tend to stack up and the pile looks so big that you can hardly focus on anything else but it is important to redirect that focus – there are beautiful things happening around you – wether it is a loving partner, family, friends, roof over your head, animals just take the time to appreciate the small things you have.
3) Talk – not always as easy as it seems, but having just that one person you can open up to will make the world of difference, in the beginning it may be scary but afterwards you’ll feel a huge weight lifted off your shoulders – this may always be a different person depending on the topic. If you know someone has had a similar experience you may want to open up to them because they will understand what you’re going through a little better.
4) Walk, everyday – wether it be 20 minutes or an hour – even if you don’t want to – I use to walk listening to music or podcast but I’d get so overwhelmed with noise that it all just became white noise – I started listening to nothing. I’d allow thoughts to come to my mind; I’d process them, as need be then tune into nature, the birds, and the wind – feeling the sun and cool breeze on your face instantly lifts your mood.
5) Meditate – seems like a hippy thing to do, I felt the same way – but when feeling overwhelmed and my mind keeps racing a guided meditation helps me re centre and helps me dissolve away any excess tension I may be holding. I use the app ‘Calm’.
Stay Strong & Stretch,