PART 1: My Darkness.
I’ve written this blog over and over again in my head – I’ll even wake up in the middle of the night and think I really need to write this down…
So here I am.
Its been 6 months since my last blog – I was in a very emotionally drained place – walls were falling down around me and I haven’t felt a struggle like that in like well forever…
After a miscarriage towards the end of last year, going through personal hardship, my health completely broken down and ending up in hospital I had hit rock bottom. It was hard to see any positives and would quite so often find myself questioning “why me?” – I know life only gives us what we can handle and from every situation is a lesson but whilst going through such low times it really is hard to see anything besides the overwhelming sadness that fills your body.
If you are experiencing this – like so many of us do – I promise there is a light. Although it may be hard to see that right now I promise it does get easier, when everything feels like its falling down around you and you are drowning I promise you there is a light.
PART 2: My Light.
Now I can see it, looking back at all the bad I can see the light, as awful as things may have been I see the reasons this hand was dealt to me.
It forced me to look within, to question relationships and what was serving me and what was only bringing me down more – it made me focus on me.
Both physically and mentally – I know now it all starts with me.
IF I’m not looking after myself everything else crumbles – we are so quick to put others needs before our own, it’s just take, take, take and no give – this leaves a toll on you. Remember that – just like they say on the airplanes – fit your own mask before assisting others.
When I didn’t put my health first it only became worse – when I ignored my mental state it only became worse.
I see that now.
December 2018 I started feeling like my old self, eating well, training hard, feeling positive and vibrant – a cherry on the top was that my Ulcerative Colitis was now in remission – the thing that Dr’s believe may have been the reason a miscarriage occurred in the first place – I was no longer going to the toilet upwards of 20 times a day, having accidents, near misses, being drained of all energy and weighing a lot less then was I was meant to – I was like a normal person again, I forgot what it felt like to feel this energy and happiness.
This remission would not have come about if I was not put in hospital and referred to GOOD specialist Dr’s (I’ve only seen crappy ones in the past whom made me thought they were all like this so I’ll just go it alone) – a perfect example of a lessoned learnt.
If I had of not gone into remission and felt so vibrant, fit and healthy I would have not fallen pregnant again… more on this in the next blog.
Life has funny ways, always testing and surprising us wether we are ready or not – don’t let it engulf you, take each day as it comes, focus on YOU.
Find the light because I promise it’s there.
Stay Strong & Stretch,