Mourning My Old Life

It’s crazy to believe I have 5 month old!

When the actual fuck did that happen?!

I still actually can’t believe I’m a Mum – me?!?

When Nate was first born it was a MASSIVE reality check – you can’t just get up and go, you no longer come first –this tiny little helpless human is now your number one priority and for a first time Mum who has been doing whatever the fuck she wants for nearly 30 years it took some getting use to.

Although grateful for your new life, you feel like your old life and freedom is gone.

My brain was turning to mush because of lack of sleep, no social interaction and nothing to stimulate my brain besides trying to figure why my baby was crying AGAIN?!?

I’d slowly get sparks of motivation and inspiration while Nate would nap and it’s like he knew I was trying to grasp onto my old life and start crying AGAIN!

He is hungry? Tired? Gas? Colic? Teething? Needs a nappy change? Just being a down right asshole?! Are the thoughts that would run through my head – complete focus on him and all ideas and inspiration lost instantly.

I need to be stimulated, I (like most) have worked and had a job since 14 and 9 months – you don’t realise the impact of socialising until you stop working and hardly socialise at all!

It’s very, very easy to see how women develop depression and anxiety after having a baby with the combination of things mentioned above it’s almost impossible to get through it unaffected.

It’s even harder to voice these opinions and thoughts because you don’t want to sound selfish and ungrateful because that’s not what you are – a friend explained to me you are simply mourning your old life and that is okay – it doesn’t mean you don’t like your new life it just takes bit of getting use to – these are all new unexplored waters. Which is 100% right and as time goes on this new life becomes the norm and you adjust.

I’ve found in the last 5 months it is getting easier and I’ve gained independence back but get frustrated at myself like I need to do more, be more successful, work more and add things to a very full plate.

Even just things that use to be simple like blogging – I always tell myself I should be blogging more because I love it which is true but then days/weeks get away from me and I look back and think why didn’t I get that done? I’ve literally done nothing all week, its not like I’m working – then I realise I’ve been keeping a tiny human alive!

I/we need to remember to not put so much pressure on myself/ourself.

This is a new chapter with new challenges, new opportunities and new growth – tackle it head on but we aware it’s like nothing you’ve tackled before!

Stay Strong & Stretch,
Tel X

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