Everything hurts today.
I had such a good day yesterday, I felt so refreshed, motivated and full of life.
I jinxed myself.
That evening I was lucky to get 5 hours sleep, the mind wouldn’t switch off, my tummy was upset and bloated, it was hot then cold then hot.
I was woken first thing with the need to run, literally, to the bathroom.
After that I knew what kind of day it was going to be.
I had to have the dogs in Melton by 9am to be groomed – on the way the urgent feeling came again. I instantly go into protect mode – okay do I turn around and go home? (I was half way up the avenue) can I make it to Melton Maccas? No there is a public toilet at the start of the avenue track I’ll make it to that – the overwhelming, stressful feeling frowned upon me as I continued on along the avenue I’m not going to make it…
I pulled over along the road – ripped a doggy poo bag off the roll we keep in the car – took a deep breath and thought FML. The urgency stopped for a split second and I took the chance.
I sped the small remainder and sprinted to the public toilet.
Without a second to spare I made it.
relief
I got to Melton and back cautious the whole way because I just didn’t feel right – it was like my body knew when I got home – straight away to the toilet again.
I showered pulled myself together and walked to BB maybe a walk, a peppermint tea and some food will do me good – I’m not letting this mother f*cker get the better of me.
I felt reassurance knowing there was a toilet was close by.
I left an hour or so later feeling ‘okay’ thinking I’ll just walk to Coles and get Matt some meat for lunch – I got to Coles took two steps inside only to turn around and head home – the only way to explain is that all my bones were aching, literally the insides of my bones throbbed with each step. Something isn’t right again – what’s wrong with me?
The urgency happened when I was about 500m from home. Again the same stresses and emotions flood my body, will I make it? I try to walk faster but it makes me need to go more, I try and take my mind off of it but it has nothing to do with my mind.
I sprint inside again without a second to spare – keys still in the door, sunglasses still on and bag thrown across the room.
I’m now lying in bed – everything hurts.
Everything besides my spirit. You’ve tried to break me again but not today.
My body needs rest, so lets give it what it needs.
BTW it’s only 12pm.
Stay Strong & Stretch,
Tel X
talkingwithtel 