We’re having a baby– how we got here – our Rainbow Baby.

July 21st2018 – Matt and I lost something so special to us, our sweet little Blueberry Prince.

The day we went in for our first ultra sound of our first baby we left disappointed and confused only hours later I started bleeding a lot. The physical and emotional journey after that was a tough one. One you don’t really know how to deal with or act – like with everything in life you just take each day as it comes.

Thinking back to that day still brings tears to my eyes, I hate that we had to go through that, I hate that so many women have to go through that physically and I hate that so many couples have to go through that emotionally.

I now know that it was because of my Ulcerative Colitis that we lost our baby.

A hard pill to swallow, something I let get out of control eventually took its toll on my body, our bodies are smart they know when you are able to carry a baby and when you aren’t – I wasn’t able to at this point of time and it makes complete sense, if I’m loosing weight, going to the toilet 15-20 times a day, bloody bowel movements – I’m extremely sick, there is no way a baby will be getting the nutrients it needs – hell I wasn’t getting the nutrients I need.

After the miscarriage I was forced to look after my health.

I started medication, had much more closer monitoring by specialist dr’s, had a colonoscopy to see the extent of damage done to my bowels, found a good local GP and a naturopath – I HIGHLY recommend this – throughout my UC and my first pregnancy journey I had crappy bulk billing dr’s – don’t do this, research dr’s and if you’re not happy with them CHANGE!

By December I was feeling SO good – my weight was back to normal (52kg pre hospital – Dec 58kg feeling good), no blood in stools, x1 bowel movement a day, training pilates, weights, boxing, walking and even RUNNING!!

I was in such a better place physically and mentally; when I look back I couldn’t believe how long I dealt with being sick for. I don’t know how I functioned at all – its funny how we just do tho!

My period was off after getting out of hospital in October– my body had been through a lot and it made sense but knowing we were wanting to try for a baby soon it was just another set back. I tried not to worry about it too much because besides that I was healthy, which I hadn’t felt in a long time!

The ‘Plan’ was to go on a holiday in April (South America) as our last big trip before we start trying for a baby, also by this time our private health insurance will cover all the maternity needs as we were wanting to go private for the birth (this was to kick in November) – there is a 12 month waiting period ladies if you didn’t know that and want to go private add it on NOW!

The reality: Australia day weekend I went out and had a big day – day drinking that led to night drinking that led to a pretty decent hangover the next day! My period was late, by over a week and I put it down to still being out of sync because it had been! Pregnancy didn’t even cross my mind AT ALL – I even felt like I had cramping pains that my period was coming…

It just never did… So I went out Sunday and on Tuesday I decided to do a test just to eliminate that possibility – I didn’t even tell Matt I was doing it because I was sure it was going to be negative!

To my surprise it was NOT negative – it was extremely positive.

Shocked, excited and confused – I waited for Matt to get off the phone as he had back to back sales calls – he came out of his office extremely chuffed after closing all the calls and I was just waiting for him in the kitchen figuring out how am I going to blab this out!

No words came out I just showed him the test – just as shocked as me we laughed, cried and hugged – although not planned for this moment – when the body is ready the body is ready.

Life has funny ways – I was 5 weeks pregnant.

Stay Strong & Stretch,
Tel X

Light at the end of the tunnel…

PART 1: My Darkness.

I’ve written this blog over and over again in my head – I’ll even wake up in the middle of the night and think I really need to write this down…

So here I am.

Its been 6 months since my last blog – I was in a very emotionally drained place – walls were falling down around me and I haven’t felt a struggle like that in like well forever…

After a miscarriage towards the end of last year, going through personal hardship, my health completely broken down and ending up in hospital I had hit rock bottom. It was hard to see any positives and would quite so often find myself questioning “why me?” – I know life only gives us what we can handle and from every situation is a lesson but whilst going through such low times it really is hard to see anything besides the overwhelming sadness that fills your body.

If you are experiencing this – like so many of us do – I promise there is a light. Although it may be hard to see that right now I promise it does get easier, when everything feels like its falling down around you and you are drowning I promise you there is a light.

PART 2: My Light.

Now I can see it, looking back at all the bad I can see the light, as awful as things may have been I see the reasons this hand was dealt to me.

It forced me to look within, to question relationships and what was serving me and what was only bringing me down more – it made me focus on me.

Both physically and mentally – I know now it all starts with me.

IF I’m not looking after myself everything else crumbles – we are so quick to put others needs before our own, it’s just take, take, take and no give – this leaves a toll on you. Remember that – just like they say on the airplanes – fit your own mask before assisting others.

When I didn’t put my health first it only became worse – when I ignored my mental state it only became worse.

I see that now.

December 2018 I started feeling like my old self, eating well, training hard, feeling positive and vibrant – a cherry on the top was that my Ulcerative Colitis was now in remission – the thing that Dr’s believe may have been the reason a miscarriage occurred in the first place – I was no longer going to the toilet upwards of 20 times a day, having accidents, near misses, being drained of all energy and weighing a lot less then was I was meant to – I was like a normal person again, I forgot what it felt like to feel this energy and happiness.

This remission would not have come about if I was not put in hospital and referred to GOOD specialist Dr’s (I’ve only seen crappy ones in the past whom made me thought they were all like this so I’ll just go it alone) – a perfect example of a lessoned learnt.

If I had of not gone into remission and felt so vibrant, fit and healthy I would have not fallen pregnant again… more on this in the next blog.

Life has funny ways, always testing and surprising us wether we are ready or not – don’t let it engulf you, take each day as it comes, focus on YOU.

Find the light because I promise it’s there.

Stay Strong & Stretch,
Tel X